My Ring Is Too Small (and not expensive enough) – Do I Say Something?

Reader Question Of The Week

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Q: Ideally you only get engaged and married once – right?  So the man I have been with for 5 years who knows my taste got me a completely small and obviously cheap ring for our engagement.  He does well so a nice ring shouldn’t be an issue.  <!–more–> I have pointed out and hinted numerous times what I want.  I always wanted a Cartier or Harry Winston and this is neither.  I know this might sound bitchy and if he couldn’t afford it I could understand, but he can.  And he should treat me like a princess and want me to be happy if he wants to marry me.  Do I outright say something?  Do I drop hints?

- Disappointed. Los Angeles, CA.

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13 Comments

  1. Ouch…wow….but you’re right! LA would be where I would think this comment would come from.

  2. Better talk to your fiance first. I guess if you are having issues about gifts, then you may have problems with finances when you get married. Be sure you really want to marry this guy though because I think you are not even sure.

  3. This question can’t be serious.

    Maybe he thought choosing a smaller ring would mean more money to spend at the actual wedding. Maybe his finances are not what you think they are. Maybe he just wanted to test you and see if you’d still say yes for love.

    The question here is… do you love him? Or do you love the perception of what you think he can provide for you?

    I agree with other posters, if it is an issue, bring it up. At least that will give him the opportunity to see where you actually stand and potentially save both of you from a lot of conflict later on down the road.

  4. I’m not going to jump down your throat since I suspect you already know what a shallow gold digger you sound like in this letter. I’m going to assume you just didn’t phrase the question well.

    I agree that since this man is supposedly expecting you to wear this ring every day for the rest of your life, it should be a ring you love and look forward to wearing. I strongly suggest you put aside your focus on ‘brand names’ and have a conversation where you explain that while you appreciate the gift, the ring isn’t really to your taste and you would like to go together and pick out something you’ll love. The way he responds to that will tell you a lot about why he got you this particular ring. He may not be the right man for you if your values are greatly mismatched.

  5. Wow, your marriage is already in trouble if material items like an engagement ring are THAT important to you. BEST of luck!

  6. NO, you don’t say something. You shut your pretty little mouth and hope this guy is dumb enough to marry you.

    WOW. I feel sorry for the dude.

  7. I am hoping this is an April Fool’s joke post. Any woman who would complain that her ring isn’t a Harry Winston or Cartier is, well, not worthy of what she received.

  8. I understand your problem. my husband proposed after 7yrs of dating and the ring he got me was small and wasn’t my style. I was kind of hurt bc after all those years I felt like I deserved a ring I loved. Its ok that its small but I still feel like I deserve better! My solution was to tell my husband that some men get theire wives upgrades when they have kids lol! So hopefully ill get what I want with out being rude!

  9. The fact that you refer to only Harry Winston or Cartier being acceptable to you makes me wonder about your interpretation of “small and obviously cheap”. My suspicion is that the ring is lovely and appropriately sized but not the garish display piece you desire.

    Like the poster above I would encourage you to RUN to your fiance and make your disappointment as crystal clear as that ring you are so embarrassed to display on your finger. Then he can see what he is planning to marry and perhaps save himself years of heartache and high maintenance.

  10. I cannot even believe you would be do downright snooty to even think of saying something. Maybe you need to think of the real reason you want to marry him. Do you love him, or his money? You have been with him for over 5 years, and why should a ring make a difference? So you can ‘show off’ to your friends? Its the love that you two share that should be the main point here, not a ring.

    I’m sorry, but even writing something like this about the ring your fiance purchased for you is downright rude, and I hope you do tell him, so maybe he can give the ring to someone who appreciates it.

  11. Sounds like you need to talk about finances before you get married. Maybe he values investing money instead of spending it? Maybe he’s not into a glitz life? If your values re: purchases and financial management are not on the same page, it’s going to be a significant issue in your marriage.

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