My Husband Wants To Take A Second Wife?!!

Reader Question – Wednesday


I do live in the states but come from a culture where men take on multiple wives.  I am religious and conservative but not THIS religious.

It is normal and acceptable in my culture and we never discussed this before marriage.  Maybe it was stupid of me.  I am not happy about this (and I know it’s not legal but it would be a wedding through our church – for obvious reasons I don’t want to give away our church name etc) but the whole community and my husband is putting pressure on me.  I don’t really have friends outside of this community and not sure where to turn for support.  We have only been married one year.  I was hoping we would start a family this year and instead this is what he wants??  Any suggestions of what I can do?

Desperate , Undisclosed Location

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  1. Please divorce this guy. This is not what you want, and that is what is important. If he wants another wife for some kind of selfish sicko reason, that is his business, but not what you signed up for. you deserve better.!

  2. It may not be the answer you want to hear, but I would sit down and re-evaluate your relationship with your husband, both discussing it with him and discussing it with yourself. I don’t come from the same faith you do, but I don’t think it’s fair of him to want to do this without a) telling you that he would like to do it in the future and b) without really discussing it with you first. I know there’s pressure being put on you from all sides right now, but you need to think about yourself–will this make you happy, or will it just put an unnecessary strain on your marriage? Do you think if he goes through with it, it could lead to divorce? And if he does go through with it without your consent or against your wishes (which would be wrong, in my opinion), will you be prepared to cope with the situation by either learning to like it or going through with a dissolution of your marriage? These are all things that you need to ask yourself and your husband. I wish you the best of luck.

  3. I recommend professional counseling outside of your clergy. If he won’t go with you, go alone.

  4. Ho boy. I’m sure this is not what you want to hear, but your options are fairly obvious. Divorce this douche, move away, and find a new life and a new church family that doesn’t embrace polygamy. The church you belong to is what most people would consider a cult. You’re either going to have to allow your husband and your church family to control your life, and share your hubs with who knows how many other women (because if he already wants one one year in, how many will he acquire in the next 5?), or you extract yourself from this union and start afresh. I’m guessing your immediate family might also belong to this church, so I know it will be difficult, but it’s obvious that you know what you want – get out of this situation now.

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