My Husband To Be Is a Murderer

Reader Question of the Week


Ok.  This is really really going to sound insane.  I am a member of a women’s group and we do different volunteer projects.  About 4 years ago we were assigned to write letters to prisoners.  I was shocked when mine wrote me back.  And  a bit scared.  <!–more–> We used a PO box of course.  All I knew was he was 27 and in jail for 20 years for murder.  As I got to know him through letters i found out a different story.  He had come from an abusive family and got involved with drugs and gangs.  In a middle of an addicted haze (he hardly remembers the details) he shot someone.  The person he shot was a drug dealer and was trying to rip off my fiance.  He was arrested (his 2nd offense – first was possession of illegal weapon) and this time he was locked away for life. He had just turned 20.   He got clean and sober and realized the error of his ways and the source.  He is currently getting a high school and then college degree while in prison.  He is getting involved in a program to speak to at risk youth who are going down the same road he is. Through these letters and visit we have fallen in love and he asked me to marry him.  He could get out earlier with good behavior.  Am I nuts?!

Know It’s a Risk, Detroit, MI

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  1. I agree with NH, take it very slowly, people can be very different under different circumstances. I’m not saying it can’t work, just be very careful and truly get to know each other. Also, you need to take a realistic look at your needs and motivations. Are you actually OK with not seeing/interacting in person with your significant other for several years? If you are, is the distance of the relationship what makes it appealing and will this change when he is released?

  2. If you’re questioning this, there’s a reason why. Think about this- people can be anyone they want to be over the internet or through their writing. I personally express my thoughts much better through words. I could say or be anyone/anything I want to be. I’m not saying that people cannot change, because some do. But I would certainly heed with caution. Don’t run off the Las Vegas the day he gets released. In fact, I’d start by meeting up ay a central location. If it IS true love, he’ll wait with patience and understanding.

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