How Many Ex Wives Is Too Many?

Wednesday – Reader Question of the Week


Q:   My boyfriend of 1 year recently proposed to me.  We are happy. completely faithful, and best friends.  He is sweet and romantic.  The problem?  He has been divorced 5 times so far.  I am the 6th!  <!–more–> And he isn’t even 40 yet.  This scares me.  He is my first and hopefully only!  He swears that it is different with me and I trust him.  But I can’t stop worrying if he thought this each time.  His marriages have always ended after 3 years.  He promises this is something he never felt with any of the others?  I could really use a bit of advice?  Would you ever marry someone in this situation.  I trust him, but can’t stop worrying he is incapable of lasting love.

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  1. I would be nervous if I were you, because being divorced 5 times before the age of 40 does seem to be a lot of marriages. I think you should try and speak with his former wives and get a sense of what went wrong in their relationships; did they get married to fast; did either of them just give up on marriage at the first sign of a fight….it is important to hear both sides of the story. I agree with the comments mentioned above about waiting a few more years and perhaps even going to counseling will provide you with all the answers you are looking for.

  2. I have to admit you had some courage to get married with a man that had another 5 wives before you. I hope you are the one he has been looking for.

  3. It sounds like your boyfriend is in love with being in love and with getting married.
    I agree with Larisa, you should most definitely date him for another 2 or 3 years before marrying him. There will be a much better chance that the relationship will last. If he still wants to marry you in 3 years then you shouldn’t have anything to worry about. Being engaged after 1 year is way too quick for someone in his situation. He probably truly believes that you are the one for him and that things are different. But I’ve seen this before, he is probably convincing himself of that without realizing it because he yearns to be married. I think it’s an actual condition.

    Bottom line, don’t marry him yet. Just wait!

  4. I agree with Larisa. In this case, one year is too short. Yes, he may feel differently about you, but the problem is that he is still the same person. A tiger doesn’t change his stripes. You two are going to need serious pre-marital counsel. I’ve been living with my next husband for 7 years, and we’ve been engaged for 5. I will be his fourth wife, and he’ll be my second husband. This has given me time to deal with my baggage and know that we’re both absolutely committed no matter what. We’re getting married this year, and I no longer have panic attacks thinking about our vows. Good luck to you.

  5. This is a very difficult question for anyone other than you to answer. But as an outsider it might be easier to look at the thought process. You think with both your head and your heart at the same time. When both agree the decision process is easy. However when there is conflict help is required. The fact that you have asked the question indicates conflict. The heart believes that this time things are different and he is ready to settle down.
    The head will be a lot colder and say “just look at those statistics”
    I would like to know in what way did the previous relationships end? The process of dreamlike euphoria to divorce has been run through 5 times now and the better you understand that process the stronger you will be and the more able you will be to steer that process to the outcome that you desire. Men can be trained. It isn’t always easy but when you understand his natural instinct and his willingness to leave a relationship when the sun stops shining you will at least be prepared. I wish you well.

  6. Here’s an idea, maybe wait another 2 years before tying the knot. 1 year is really too short anyway, especially for someone with his history.

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